#9 most resonated with me too. Like @stacy @nancy and others, the toxic ppl are my parents. Walking away is still a work in progress. It is lonely. I’ve decided to put my husband and our children first. Hurts becsuse my siblings think I’m overreacting. Very difficult when s funeral or wedding comes up, like this weekend. @nancy u can “adopt”me as your daughter and my boys as your grandchildren baby steps, right?
Please rethink and work on the important relationship with your parents. Especially if your siblings are stating you are overreacting. Take a time out but estrangement is not the answer. Set boundaries. Go to therapy together. You might teach your children it is okay to walk away from family and they might do it to you too in the future. Family is important and worth saving. Remember no one gets an instruction book on life. We all have faults. Sometimes when we are under stress we want to rid any other stressors. You will cause divide in your extended family. Estrangement is the cruelest thing anyone can do to a loving family member. I am sure your parents love you very much and will do anything to make the relationship work.
Number 9 is important. I learned it the hard way and wish I’d known this a long time ago. Some wise person once said “Stop trying to please the haters, you’re not the jerk whisperer.”
#9 reminds me of a quote about holding onto hurts and resentment (living in the past moments and emotionally reliving them)… Deepak Chopra quote “Holding onto resentment is like holding your breath – you suffocate” Great list. Bernadette
Great article! All your points are of great significance, and I like that you took this approach on resolving the problems. I think by focusing on our life honestly, it helps us not react as much to what other people believe. This an important boundary. We need to understand that if we care about things that don’t have to do with us, we waste emotional and rational resources that would otherwise be used in our favor.
As I read this article, one thought that crossed my mind is that point #2 can also mean waiting and hoping for a miracle. Many times we want to have all things in place before we can believe that we are blessed. Most times, we are already far ahead of many and all that is needed is gratitude and a readiness to take the next step. Thanks for sharing.
Loved this! Specifically #9… I’ve recently let go of a very toxic girl in my life and it’s been a huge weight off of my shoulders…While I didn’t care to impress her at all I seemed to have only kept her in my life only because of the years of history we have together..but when I think back of all those years, I can only think of the negative things she’s done to me AND her friends…I began to realize she’s probably doing the same to me with those very friends she had nothing but negative things to nit-pick about…their bodies, their lives, their choices, etc. It was so disturbing being in her company when she did that stuff that finally I realized how horrible she is. I feel sorry for her “friends” that don’t realize how she is…but maybe they do…Such a shame to be so miserable to bring others down…and to hate on other people’s happiness because you’re so miserable with faking your “happy life”…
Hi I get that but also I wonder if trying to help that person to see how they are only isolating and hurting themselves and others is also a ‘frienda’ job, underneath they may also be lonely and afraid…?JP
I know so many people are going thru some tough times right now. I especially agree with #8. Trying to make a big difference all at once. Thanks for sharing!
There is something to be said for those who travel a high road even after they accept some of these things into their lives and see them through to positive change without throwing the baby out with the bath water…there is a lot to be said for that kind of maturity. Are we in our lives for only what we can get out of them or what we have to offer to improve the lives of others as well?
Wonderful article. I’ve been going through stressful times, and I just realized I’ve been doing almost 7 of these habits on a daily basis ! Thanks for clearing stuff up Good day to you !
Just like to modify #10. Over-amplifying the importance of physical attractiveness in yourself or others… I’m harder on myself for the way I look than anyone else is and way too focused on it. I would never even consider judging anyone else on their looks or pretty much anything else. Going to try to start judging myself as I judge others.
I resonated with number #5 and #6, because I guess I can say I have been through some of the worst times of my life these past couple of years.
Sometimes, it’s really hard to be hopeful, it’s hard to think positively when life has been so hard, and it’shard to even think that things can go well, just because things have been so bad.
But it’s 2014, and I want to believe very much that things will turn around for me.
Hi Marc and Angel, I really enjoyed your blogs and I am in the habit of reading one blog a day. I also shared it with my friends. Even posted your blog links on my facebook wall. Thank you for sharing.
An interesting set of truisms which I think most people are at least vaguely aware of. For many, I feel that it has more to do with the ‘How’ of it all. A fair analogy could be that many are stuck in cruise control speeding down life’s highway and either don’t know how to disengage it or are too afraid to. But, this blog, like so many others provides a good first step of naming issues that may resonate with readers. Perhaps a follow up article on ‘how to do’ and not just ‘not to do’ would be even more useful to your readers.
#9 “When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don’t care about you.” Perhaps a more empathetic way of thinking about this is that some people are unskilled at loving. They can not look past their own suffering, insecurities, needs or other barriers to form healthy relationships. I agree completely that sometimes you need to walk away from people in order to preserve your own emotional health, but I don’t think it’s necessarily fair or accurate to say they don’t care. There are a few individuals in my life from whom I have had to walk away and I honestly believe they each loved me with their whole hearts, in the best way they knew how. I just couldn’t continue subjecting myself to the pain of loving them anymore.
I have to say that number 1 is the biggest problem that humans have. Everyone at some point thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but they don’t realize that the other lawn is full of holes and dog mess. Thanks for sharing these reminders.
I truly enjoy these posts. I’ll be scanning down the list, nodding my head at each one, and then suddenly one will really hit home. On this list it was #5.
I have studied the article three times. Wonderful and effectively life-changing. Believe me, I have been changed a lot. PLease continue to write. Thanks.
All points resonated with me but especially #5. I live in fear & worry almost constantly. Fear for my children and their health, wealth & well-being, for my husband’s health, my health, our finances, our parents – just everything. I cannot find joy in anything. I feel I cannot change anything due to financial circumstances and obligations. I am working toward digging deeper, releasing the fear & worry finding gratitude for the good things in my life I am letting fear overshadow. Thank you for your inspiring messages to help me. I hope to get better each day.
I agree with Nick on number 10. What he says is true 100%. Some of us need more than others and some less than others. It depends on what is thrown at us.
I’m really going through a rough patch right now. I have a nasty behaviour that pushes my friends away at first I tot it doesn’t matter but now I know better.the thing is I get angry easily n don’t think before I talk. I kind of feel every thing is about me. I know I’m wrong but my prob is how do I start to make amends. I don’t like my life now and I wish to change. Just don’t know how. I would love further guidance. PS: I love your articles.
What about in laws and when you are living with them? They aren’t just any other outsider or gf/bf. They are family too. So then how do we deal with our insecurities around them, especially when they play a huge role in our being insecure…??
mary jo says
#9 most resonated with me too. Like @stacy @nancy and others, the toxic ppl are my parents. Walking away is still a work in progress. It is lonely. I’ve decided to put my husband and our children first. Hurts becsuse my siblings think I’m overreacting. Very difficult when s funeral or wedding comes up, like this weekend. @nancy u can “adopt”me as your daughter and my boys as your grandchildren baby steps, right?
Susan says
Please rethink and work on the important relationship with your parents. Especially if your siblings are stating you are overreacting. Take a time out but estrangement is not the answer. Set boundaries. Go to therapy together. You might teach your children it is okay to walk away from family and they might do it to you too in the future. Family is important and worth saving. Remember no one gets an instruction book on life. We all have faults. Sometimes when we are under stress we want to rid any other stressors. You will cause divide in your extended family. Estrangement is the cruelest thing anyone can do to a loving family member. I am sure your parents love you very much and will do anything to make the relationship work.
Elaine says
Number 9 is important. I learned it the hard way and wish I’d known this a long time ago. Some wise person once said “Stop trying to please the haters, you’re not the jerk whisperer.”
Bernadette says
#9 reminds me of a quote about holding onto hurts and resentment (living in the past moments and emotionally reliving them)… Deepak Chopra quote “Holding onto resentment is like holding your breath – you suffocate”
Great list.
Bernadette
Luckitta says
Love all 10, and I try to practice them all the time.
bakeca Nuoro says
Very true… every point. Nice article!
Angelo Karageorgos says
Great article! All your points are of great significance, and I like that you took this approach on resolving the problems. I think by focusing on our life honestly, it helps us not react as much to what other people believe. This an important boundary. We need to understand that if we care about things that don’t have to do with us, we waste emotional and rational resources that would otherwise be used in our favor.
Ade says
As I read this article, one thought that crossed my mind is that point #2 can also mean waiting and hoping for a miracle. Many times we want to have all things in place before we can believe that we are blessed. Most times, we are already far ahead of many and all that is needed is gratitude and a readiness to take the next step. Thanks for sharing.
JL says
Loved this! Specifically #9… I’ve recently let go of a very toxic girl in my life and it’s been a huge weight off of my shoulders…While I didn’t care to impress her at all I seemed to have only kept her in my life only because of the years of history we have together..but when I think back of all those years, I can only think of the negative things she’s done to me AND her friends…I began to realize she’s probably doing the same to me with those very friends she had nothing but negative things to nit-pick about…their bodies, their lives, their choices, etc. It was so disturbing being in her company when she did that stuff that finally I realized how horrible she is. I feel sorry for her “friends” that don’t realize how she is…but maybe they do…Such a shame to be so miserable to bring others down…and to hate on other people’s happiness because you’re so miserable with faking your “happy life”…
Jenny preston says
Hi I get that but also I wonder if trying to help that person to see how they are only isolating and hurting themselves and others is also a ‘frienda’ job, underneath they may also be lonely and afraid…?JP
Lori says
Wow! Just about every one of these hit a nerve with me…it’s amazing how you don’t notice the obvious until someone points them out to you. Thank you!
cn says
I know so many people are going thru some tough times right now. I especially agree with #8. Trying to make a big difference all at once. Thanks for sharing!
Matt says
SO true. Inspiring points. Thanks for posting.
jj says
Awesome share. Saving this.
Chris Newton says
My best advice: Be grateful for what you have!
Terri says
There is something to be said for those who travel a high road even after they accept some of these things into their lives and see them through to positive change without throwing the baby out with the bath water…there is a lot to be said for that kind of maturity. Are we in our lives for only what we can get out of them or what we have to offer to improve the lives of others as well?
Gil says
Wonderful article. I’ve been going through stressful times, and I just realized I’ve been doing almost 7 of these habits on a daily basis ! Thanks for clearing stuff up Good day to you !
Jasmine says
Just like to modify #10. Over-amplifying the importance of physical attractiveness in yourself or others… I’m harder on myself for the way I look than anyone else is and way too focused on it. I would never even consider judging anyone else on their looks or pretty much anything else. Going to try to start judging myself as I judge others.
Merry says
“Consume less and create more.” Words to live by. Thank you again for your inspirational messages.
Kayla Garnet Rose says
Great article, excellent reminders.
smashinbeauty says
Well written and I 100% agree!
Xihlamariso Khosa says
Great article indeed!
I resonated with number #5 and #6, because I guess I can say I have been through some of the worst times of my life these past couple of years.
Sometimes, it’s really hard to be hopeful, it’s hard to think positively when life has been so hard, and it’shard to even think that things can go well, just because things have been so bad.
But it’s 2014, and I want to believe very much that things will turn around for me.
Thanks for writing this . . . made me think!
Salena Brit says
Very useful advice. Everybody has to wait for the perfect moment and important is to grab the right opportunity at the right time.
Cassie says
Why does it always feel like you’re reading my mind. Timing is everything…
Tess says
Hi Marc and Angel,
I really enjoyed your blogs and I am in the habit of reading one blog a day. I also shared it with my friends. Even posted your blog links on my facebook wall.
Thank you for sharing.
Tess
Aaron says
An interesting set of truisms which I think most people are at least vaguely aware of. For many, I feel that it has more to do with the ‘How’ of it all. A fair analogy could be that many are stuck in cruise control speeding down life’s highway and either don’t know how to disengage it or are too afraid to. But, this blog, like so many others provides a good first step of naming issues that may resonate with readers. Perhaps a follow up article on ‘how to do’ and not just ‘not to do’ would be even more useful to your readers.
Thank you!
Kelly says
#9 “When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don’t care about you.” Perhaps a more empathetic way of thinking about this is that some people are unskilled at loving. They can not look past their own suffering, insecurities, needs or other barriers to form healthy relationships. I agree completely that sometimes you need to walk away from people in order to preserve your own emotional health, but I don’t think it’s necessarily fair or accurate to say they don’t care. There are a few individuals in my life from whom I have had to walk away and I honestly believe they each loved me with their whole hearts, in the best way they knew how. I just couldn’t continue subjecting myself to the pain of loving them anymore.
Jay says
I have to say that number 1 is the biggest problem that humans have. Everyone at some point thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but they don’t realize that the other lawn is full of holes and dog mess. Thanks for sharing these reminders.
Barbara says
I truly enjoy these posts. I’ll be scanning down the list, nodding my head at each one, and then suddenly one will really hit home. On this list it was #5.
Amar Chand Nath says
I have studied the article three times. Wonderful and effectively life-changing. Believe me, I have been changed a lot. PLease continue to write. Thanks.
Patricia P says
All points resonated with me but especially #5. I live in fear & worry almost constantly. Fear for my children and their health, wealth & well-being, for my husband’s health, my health, our finances, our parents – just everything. I cannot find joy in anything. I feel I cannot change anything due to financial circumstances and obligations. I am working toward digging deeper, releasing the fear & worry finding gratitude for the good things in my life I am letting fear overshadow. Thank you for your inspiring messages to help me. I hope to get better each day.
steven says
I agree with Nick on number 10. What he says is true 100%. Some of us need more than others and some less than others. It depends on what is thrown at us.
Mia says
I’m really going through a rough patch right now. I have a nasty behaviour that pushes my friends away at first I tot it doesn’t matter but now I know better.the thing is I get angry easily n don’t think before I talk. I kind of feel every thing is about me. I know I’m wrong but my prob is how do I start to make amends. I don’t like my life now and I wish to change. Just don’t know how. I would love further guidance. PS: I love your articles.
BK says
What about in laws and when you are living with them? They aren’t just any other outsider or gf/bf. They are family too. So then how do we deal with our insecurities around them, especially when they play a huge role in our being insecure…??